I Swear I'm Not Preaching to You, But Let's Talk About God For A Minute.

Philippians 4:13

"I can do all things through Christ, which strengthens me."

This has been my mantra for the last couple weeks. Last night, after laying in bed BEGGING God to give me the strength to get through this bullshit I'm going through, I fell asleep with those words on repeat in my head. (Yes, I swear when I'm talking to God...we have an understanding - I have a potty mouth and he still listens. I'm His rebellious child. I'm pretty sure when my prayers make their way to Him, He rolls his eyes and chuckles a little, wishing I'd quit saying fuck so much...just like I have so many times with my own kids, who unfortunately learned all of their bad language from me.) But I was trying my best to make myself believe it...to wake up in a better mood today...to feel capable again. I'm not sure if it worked. I have a little motivation today. I'm just overwhelmed.

So what does that verse really mean? It doesn't mean that God will solve all of our problems. Life will still happen. Things will still suck. God will not provide everything for us. Philippians 4:13 is wrapping up Paul's letter to the church in Philippi. He wasn't saying God will give us everything. He was saying that no matter what life throws at him, the power of Jesus in him will be enough. If you have Christ in your heart, He is enough. You can be content with nothing, because you have Christ.

I'm gonna tell you right now, that's a hard pill to swallow. I think those of us who grew up with faith are led in one way or another to believe that if you pray, God will provide everything. Sure, sometimes he will. The power of prayer is the most amazing thing there is. But it's not that easy. You can't pray millions of dollars into your bank account. You have to work for it. Or get lucky and win the lottery. But God doesn't put it there. You do. Paul wanted to let us know that even when we're falling apart, having Christ in our heart will give us the strength to push forward. He will provide us with what we need internally so we can accomplish what we're meant to accomplish in the physical world.

Joel 2:12-13

“Even now,” declares the LORD, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning.” Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.

God wants us to depend on Him. He is our true Father. He doesn't actually want to see us suffer. But He knows that we have to. He knows that sometimes we need to go through hell in order to realize we need Him. He wants to wrap His loving arms around us, but we have to want it...to need it. But we're human. We're stubborn. He knows we need to experience the pain to accept His love. Does this verse mean we literally need to stop eating and give the Lord our clothes? No. He is telling us to depend on Him and not the creature comforts we come to depend on. "...and he relents from sending calamity." Will he stop bad things from happening? Nope. He's trying to tell us here that if we depend on Him, He will help us through it. Just like what Paul said.

I'm at the point now where I know I need to stop being the Superwoman I always try to be and let God wrap His loving arms around me. It's hard though. So fucking hard. I know that once I "let go and let God," He will provide. He will guide me through the necessary steps to fulfill the purpose He has for me. I know what that purpose is. I always have. I am here to be His messenger. Not in the sense of ministry, but in the sense of being a voice for those who are struggling. I'm not typically one of those people who can toss out Bible verses that will help people through tough times. My friend Anna..she is that person. She was put here to minister to the masses. I most definitely was not. I was put here to bluntly tell my story and to let people know that I've been to hell and back and I'm still standing. I'll cuss and scream and cry and make them laugh. I'll make them remember me. Not because I want fame...because I want to make a difference. Yes, I want to be remembered. But I want to be remembered as a person who, through everything I've been through, is willing and able to move forward and help everyone I can do the same. Even now, as I struggle to get out of this black hole I'm in, as I try to climb out of this void of nothingness that is dragging me down, I still have the strength and positivity that I've always had. My survival instinct is strong, and it's strengthened through my relationship with Christ.

I don't care if you're a Christian. If you're reading this, I want you to know I'm not preaching to you. That's not my style. That's Anna's style, and it works for her. lol I, on the other hand, am just trying to give you tools. Even if you aren't a Christian, you need to believe in something. We all do. It's human nature.

Soooooo....now that I've said all I've said, I have to put it into action. I have a couple goals today. I'm going to continue researching speakers bureaus and figure out how to get into some so I can get some paid speaking gigs. I'm going to continue reaching out to NAMI and AFSP in hopes of telling my story, volunteering, and getting other people involved in mental health awareness. I'm going to figure out how to use my voice, my God given talent, the purpose He gave me. I'm going to finally feel fulfilled.

I can do all things through Christ, which strengthens me. What strengthens you? Just sit back and think about that for a minute. Let me know what you come up with. I'd love to hear about it. I hope I've helped you a little, but maybe you can help me too.

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Lynae

Writer • Healing Advocate

Rewriting the stories I once survived